Left Behind
by Dovewings.of.Narnia
Summary: Susan reflects on how hard it is to be left behind and have to rule Narnia alone. One-shot, Golden Age fic!


**Me again! This time with a Susan story. No more Lucy-can't-sleep. :p This is Susan, during the Golden Age. (See if you can pick up their ages, k?) I need more practice writing her. I still don't think I have it quite right. Reviews are welcome! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own, Narnia, Cair Paravel, Queen Susan, Mr. Tumnus, the Beavers, Peter, Edmund, or Lucy. They belong, of course, to C.S. Lewis.**

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"I'm sorry." Susan Pevensie felt herself flush. "Could you repeat that?"

An annoyed expression flashed across the face of the Satyr before her, but he quickly smoothed it away and gave a shallow bow. "As you wish, Your Majesty."

Susan folded her hands in her lap and sat up even straighter as the Satyr continued, telling her how his neighbor had purposely destroyed his vegetable patch. _How did he even get in here? _the queen wondered irritably. Someone else should have been able to take care of such a trivial problem.

Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she took in the two empty thrones to her right. Edmund would have been so much better at this.

"So you see, I really must have the money for a new one," the Satyr wound down. "I'm sure such an intelligent, lovely young lady as yourself can see that."

Susan ground her teeth together but kept her expression neutral. She hated being patronized. "Of course, my good fellow." She nodded at one of the guards, deciding to let the matter fall to the royal treasurer. "Roonstorm, would you please take this fine gentleman to Mr. Anere? He is to be given whatever monies needed to rebuild his garden; no more and no less." The Satyr beamed, and Susan felt a flash of misgiving. "In Mr. Anere's eyes, of course," she added hastily, "based on a description of the ruined land."

The centaur nodded. "This way." He stepped toward the door, pausing to look back at the Satyr.

The creature took another step toward the dais. "Please, Queen Susan, I beg of you—"

Susan frowned. "What else do you need?"

He licked his lips. "You see, rebuilding involves more then just replanting. The funds—"

She groaned under her breath. Any one of her siblings would have caught onto him much faster. "Our treasurer is wise enough to insure you get sufficient finances," she said, keeping her voice calm. After nine years as queen, it wasn't hard. "Roonstorm?"

The guard took a step toward the center aisle of the throne room, impatience seeping into his voice. "I said, 'This way'."

The Satyr glanced back and forth between the queen and her guard several times. "As you wish, Your Majesty," he finally said. He wasn't nearly as good at controlling his voice. He gave a shallow bow, fixing angry eyes on the queen.

"This _way_." Roonstorm came forward and grabbed the smaller creature's arm, pulling him toward the door. The sound of clicking hooves died away down the hall, and Susan allowed herself to slump in her seat.

"Are there any more, Mr. Beaver?" she asked wearily.

Her old friend chuckled. "No, my Queen. That was the last of them."

She smiled faintly back at him. "Good." She sighed, tucking a stray piece of hair back into her elaborate braid. "I'm afraid I'm awful at this alone."

Mrs. Beaver climbed the dais steps and patted her hand. "I'm sure the worry doesn't help any, dear."

Susan nodded, slowly rising to her feet. "Any news?"

Another guard, a boar, shook his head. "Not since you checked this morning, Your Majesty."

Susan nodded. Of course not. Lucy was good about writing, but letters still did not come every day. Once a week, if she was lucky.

"Why don't you get some rest, dear?" Mrs. Beaver suggested. "It's been a long day for you."

Susan smiled at the kindly she-beaver. "That does sound lovely," she admitted. "I might go for a walk in the garden."

Mrs. Beaver nodded. "There you are. It'll do you some good to escape the stress of having to rule Narnia alone."

Susan smoothed her skirt and stepped off the dais, glancing over her shoulder at the four empty thrones. "I was hoping that the others would be back by now."

"Don't you worry," Mr. Beaver said. "They won't leave you alone for too long."

Two of the guards stayed with Susan as she headed into the hall. An attempted assassination the month before had put everyone on edge. It had been the work of a bitter dwarf, one who had been of high rank in the White Witch's army. Peter had been furious that no one had found him earlier. All four of them had lost at least a little blood during the attack, and though the guards were able to subdue the small band of traitors within ten minutes, it had shaken the Kings and Queens quite badly. They'd hardly gone anywhere alone since.

Her current guards, a Dog and a Panther, stopped on either side of her bedroom door. Susan smiled at them before entering and flopping down on her bed with a yawn. The down mattress was so comfortable… she bit her lip and forced herself to sit back up. She couldn't fall asleep. She had a dinner with the Galmian ambassador in just over two hours, and if she knew that having to wake back up in such a short time would be worse then not sleeping at all. No, she was better off walking in the garden, as she told Mrs. Beaver she was going to.

Susan walked over to her bureau and peered into the mirror above it. With practiced fingers, she unpinned the golden tiara from her dark hair and set it on the polished wood table. She then tugged out the fasteners her dryad lady-in-waiting had so carefully put in that morning and shook her head wildly. Parts of her thick locks were still damp from her bath that morning, and her scalp itched. When she had finished combing out the knots, she turned to the wardrobe. This gown might do for holding audiences with the people, but it was not suitable for going outside.

Once that was done, she turned back to the door, stifling another yawn. Why was ruling without her siblings so tiring?

The Dog and the Panther followed her again as she made her way down two flights of stairs. A brisk wind rushed into the corridor as Susan opened the door, and she smiled in delight. "What a lovely day!"

The Panther gave a sort of nod, and Susan sighed under her breath. Aside from the worry of ruling by herself, life without the others was simply lonely. Had Lucy been there, she already would have had both arms spread out and face titled upward, her blond curls tossing in the breeze. Edmund wouldn't have bothered with the spread arms, but he would have stood still for a moment and just felt the wind and smelled the flowers. Peter probably would have been worried about dozens of other things, but he would at least have given her a smile and some company.

Susan shook her head, causing her hair to fly out behind her. She brushed it out of her eyes and started down the path, pausing to smell one of the lilies. Cair Paravel's gardens had always been beautiful, but this might be the best spring yet.

A pair of Naiads passed by, bowing to Queen Susan. She smiled and nodded, but didn't stop to chat. They looked like they were already involved in an animated conversation, and she didn't want to interrupt.

At last, Susan reached her favorite place on the castle grounds. While Lucy loved to sit on the beach, Edmund preferred the library, and Peter enjoyed walking in the orchards, Susan could nearly always be found in the rose bower.

The guards stopped several feet away, and she sank down on the center bench. A curved lattice was above it, simply covered in pink roses. A flat pond was directly across from her, and today several dumb birds swam on top. One of them looked at her and chirped, and the queen found herself wishing she had brought some breadcrumbs.

_I should have brought Lu's letter, as well. _Her pleasant mood broken, Susan looked down at her hands. _Oh, how I hate being left behind. _It was at least tolerable when Lucy was with her; they could distract each other from worry while also subconsciously providing support. But Peter had finally decided that it would be all right to bring Lucy with him, this time. It was merely a routine patrol of the northern border, making sure that any giants who might be thinking of venturing into Narnia knew exactly what they were up against. Edmund had offered to stay behind when it was decided for sure that Lucy was going, but Susan had turned him down, knowing how much he wanted to go and get away from the pressures of castle life for a while. She couldn't bear to disappoint him.

"Just be sure you come back," she whispered aloud. It had been nearly a month since her siblings had left. All of Lucy's letters indicated that they were having a marvelous time, but still Susan worried. That could change in an instant. A hurled spear, another attempt at assassination, even a slip of a fellow archer's fingers… She could be ruling Narnia alone forever.

"Queen Susan?"

The young woman jumped and slapped a hand to her heart. She was so deep in thought it took her a long minute to recognize her visitor. "Oh! Mr. Tumnus. I'm so sorry; I didn't see you."

Her friend gave a little bow and came a bit closer. "May I join you?"

Susan moved over to the end of the bench. "Of course, of course! I'd love the company, actually."

The faun settled down next to her, and several minutes passed in comfortable silence. "I take it there have been no more letters from Queen Lucy?" Mr. Tumnus finally asked.

Susan shook her head. "No. Not since last week." She sighed.

"I'm sure another will come soon, then." The faun settled back on the bench, and Susan found herself wondering why he was not at all worried.

"I wish… Well." She squinted at the birds.

Mr. Tumnus turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"I'm tired of being left behind," she admitted aloud.

"Did you ask the High King if you could go?"

Susan bit her lip. "Well, no. But… I don't see what good I'd be. I can never seem to bring myself to take place in a battle. I'm always thinking that there must be another way. And besides, someone has to rule."

Mr. Tumnus nodded. "Yes, there is that. But they will be back soon."

"If they don't get killed first," she said softly.

The faun put a hand on her shoulder. "I really don't think there's much danger of that, Susan."

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. "Lucy's only seventeen. The most dangerous fight she's ever been in was the time in the woods, with that werewolf, and we had half a dozen guards with us! I just…"

Her friend nodded. "That is true." He chuckled. "But if it's protection you're worried about, I think that two older brothers will serve just as well as some guards."

A thin smile passed across Susan's face. He was right in that. Peter and Edmund would both die sooner then they would let anyone harm Lucy. But with so much danger all around, that really just made it worse. "It's not just Lucy, you know. Losing Edmund or Peter would be just as bad." She sniffed, and her smile vanished.

Mr. Tumnus tapped a hoof on the stone path. "You're certainly right there. I didn't mean that loosing Lucy would be worse at all." He paused for a moment, seemingly struggling to find the right words. "But you could never truly be left behind."

She looked up at him, brow furrowed. "What do you mean? Of course I could! Lucy might never see the danger coming, and then Peter would try to protect her, and Edmund would see and coming running over to help, but the giant might just—"

The faun cut her off. "Queen Susan, you four are not the only rulers of Narnia."

She fell silent, shame pricking at her heart. "Aslan," she murmured to herself.

Another gust of wind blew through, and several roses floated down from above them. Susan caught one, twirling it by the tiny piece of remaining stem. She remembered when she'd first seen this Narnian type of rose, after walking for so long in the freezing snow…

"When He shakes His mane, we shall have spring again," she quoted softly.

A bell chimed from somewhere in the castle, and Susan startled out of her trance. "Oh! I should go. I still have to change for dinner…"

Mr. Tumnus also got to his feet and gave her a little bow. "I'll leave you to it then, Queen Susan."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, Mr. Tumnus. You are a good friend indeed."

He winked at her, returning the smile. "Let me know when Queen Lucy writes. I miss my dear little friend."

Susan nodded, getting to her feet as well. "I surely will."

He headed toward the beach, and Susan returned to the guards, still twirling her rose. The queen paused at the castle door, closing her eyes and letting the wind caress her face one last time.

"I want to make a quick stop before we go to my room," she explained. "Perhaps a letter has arrived while I was out."

"As you wish, my lady," the Dog replied.

Susan started down the corridor. Her rose was even more beautiful inside, as though it had retained some of the outside world from whence it came. She lifted it to her nose, delighting in the sweet aroma. _We shall have spring again…_

She found the housekeeper in the dinning room, setting up for the feast. "No, no more letters. And shouldn't you be getting ready?"

Susan sighed and turned away. Of course not. She glanced at the clock and picked up her pace. _Oops. She was right. I don't have much time at all._

Her crown of golden flowers was just where she had left it. She set her rose down in the middle and rested her chin on her hands. "I still hate ruling alone," she said to no one in particular. "Maybe next time I _should_ go along." She glanced out the window, where she could just see the brilliant blue of the sea. "Even if I am no good in battles. It's better then being left behind."

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**Not the best ending, I know. Any ideas on how to make it better? And in case you didn't pick it up, they were 22, 21, 19, and 17, same ages as LB. :) Review please! **


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